In keeping with the finest longstanding traditions of PB.com, I bring you once again the finest joke ever recited here:
A Brummie goes for a job interview wearing a polyester shirt, bright flares and big boots. The interviewer says "All you need now is a kipper tie." The Brummie replies, "That would be love-lay, two sugars, ploise."
I'm not sure if we're supposed to give these away on the thread but the SHA 256 of 21, prepended with the nonce 9283928392819382948737482369193743, is a6bfee5d0de5c2a2005defe1e6a057464a73b018a5224eb8d6d999ed464ee2d3.
A Frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. he can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I`d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it`s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she`ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There`s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It`s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man`s a rolling stone".
May I also wish all a very Merry Christmas and a profitable New Year. Hope the weather is good and you enjoy the morning Church service. Here in Malaysia "too much snow" is not a problem and we had over 3,000 people celebrate the day at our Church.
1 ac. TSE TSE. 4 ac. Peacekeepers = UN(United Nations). UN returning hiding a - N(a)U. Blogger = SeanT. N(a)U + SeanT = Nauseant. 11 ac. the lowest level = zero rate = O rate 14ac. Conservative =C. Socialist = Left. Conservative Socialist Union = C + Left = Cleft.
Id. US ticket = TRUMP PENCE. Half is even missing = T(R)U(M)P = TUP (even letters missing. TUP+ PENCE + TUPPENCE 5d. Hitchcock = Alfred. Bird detailes = egre(t). Egre in that = th(egre)at. 6d. Political party = SNP. Spectacles = OO. SNP wearing OO = Snoop. 8d. When April's foolish = The 1st = THE IST. 19d. Teachers = NUT (National Union of Teachers). Long = tall.
A Frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. he can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I`d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it`s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she`ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There`s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It`s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man`s a rolling stone".
Funny, nice, but old and weary now. Still, Merry Christmas all. Have a good old nosh and a nice siesta afterward. I do.
Just popping in briefly to wish everyone a merry and restful Christmas!
Reflecting this morning, I realised how all our postings, our disagreements and our sometimes harsh words are made because we all think that politics matters. I'm tremendously honoured to be part of such a thinking and caring community. Long may it continue!
Happy Christmas one and all. Much appreciation to StJohn for the crossword. A few thoughts from me: 10A - Pissed Off 27A - Leasehold 9D - must be "Lord Chancellor" from the letters and reference to Truss, but I can't get my head round the cryptic part.
I loved that one - it's got a few variants along the lines of Disappointment Cat present
My timeline is full of ones in Christmas trees.
Have you seen the full video of the Christmas wrapped cat? I'm banned from posting cat videos so can't link - but it's lovely. He had his own YouTube channel too.
10 ac. Double definition. 27 ac. General = (General) Lee. Like = As. Lee stores as = Le(as)e. Keep =hold. 9d. Coil = roll. Up with coil = LLOR. Not lady luck = Lord Chance. LLOR not holding onto lady luck = LLOR holding onto LORD CHANCE = LORD CHANCELLOR. Truss is the Lord Chancellor.
I'm off for some lunchtime Xmas "cheer". Back in a bit.
I will leave you with a "STJOHN", (St.John, "The Jumps", Occasional Horseracing Nod).
Silvinano Conti 33/1 each way in tomorrow's King George. There are only 5 runners so it's 1/4 the odds a place 1st and 2nd. He won the race in 2013 and 2014. He's probably not the force he once was but at the price he's worth a tilt.
Merry Christmas everyone and many thanks to St John again
Luncheon is going to be delayed somewhat in this household as it has taken me 4 hours to truss the turkey, no one told me you should put it out of its misery first.
Back in the real world, over-running building works mean we have no functioning oven or dinner table!
But our house is structurally rebuilt (new loft convert, rebuilt extension, replastered downstairs walls).
Mum had to buy a ready-roasted chicken from Tesco yesterday (though she's cooking all the veg on the hob), and I'm having a sweet potato and goat's cheese pie!
Just getting the despecialised editions of Star Wars ready for our annual post Xmas/Boxing Day tradition! This year no shitty Lucas inspired special effects. I'm really hoping Disney and Fox come to an agreement over the 4K Blu-rays and they release the unspoiled editions from the new Lowry masters that are currently being taken from an original 65mm print.
Watched Rogue One last night at Leicester Square. Not bad at all, perhaps better in many ways than Force Awakens!
It's different to a normal Star Wars style film, and as TSE says, they do well to keep the story suspenseful despite (most of) the audience already knowing how it ends. I enjoyed it and it works well as a standalone film, but struggles to find its place in the wider SW universe IMO.
Just wanted to thank all of those who helped out with my bird picking a few weeks ago! I ended up going with a capon in the end. Sausage meat stuffing and a streaky bacon cover. I think it is going to be the best one yet!
Just getting the despecialised editions of Star Wars ready for our annual post Xmas/Boxing Day tradition! This year no shitty Lucas inspired special effects. I'm really hoping Disney and Fox come to an agreement over the 4K Blu-rays and they release the unspoiled editions from the new Lowry masters that are currently being taken from an original 65mm print.
I've a really serious problem with CGI, it's blunted all my enjoyment of action films. In sci-fi it's fine for the universe, but now I've an eagle eye for all stunts and fight scenes. And most of it is poorly executed green scenes. Such a shame. Back in 80s and before it was like going to the circus or travelling fair and seeing live acts like Wall of Death.
It's just not the daredevil experience it once was.
Me: 'I want a Unicorn' Santa: 'Be realistic' Me: 'I want a fiscally responsible government' Santa: 'What colour unicorn?'
A variation on:
Old Jewish guy rubs the lamp out pops a genie.
Genie: What wish do you want?
Guy pulls out a map of the Middle East. Peace in the Middle East, he says.
Genie says: you're mad, so many warring factions Sunni, Shia, Palestinians, Jews, all laying claim to ancient rites lost in the mists of time. Just can't do it; pick something else.
Guy says: well then when I go home to my wife this evening I want her to give me a blow job.
Just getting the despecialised editions of Star Wars ready for our annual post Xmas/Boxing Day tradition! This year no shitty Lucas inspired special effects. I'm really hoping Disney and Fox come to an agreement over the 4K Blu-rays and they release the unspoiled editions from the new Lowry masters that are currently being taken from an original 65mm print.
So that you can see all the nylon threads holding up bits of reassembled Airfix kits ?
I spent a fortnight on Turkey tour, and was bored stiff after 5 days and wanted to come home - a mosque is a mosque - nothing to look at once I'd seen a couple. It's the only place I've visited and suffered homesickness. Best bit was a dawn hot air balloon ride over Cappadocia aka PenisLand which was great - despite my gamy leg making climbing aboard rather undignified.
It took me 18 days to get sick of forts in India but loads of other places to see, never bored in Egypt. They've so much variety and different takes on culture/history. I'm talking mid-late 00s here.
Turkey is the only destination I regret wasting time on. Three days would've done me fine.
The Giblets. But.............. They can be the basis of a fine soup!
True, but give them to the cat and he or she will be grateful for, maybe, five minutes. That in cat terms is an extraordinarily long time.
I have just been preparing the starters and my cat wolfed down the king prawns, was OK with the cream cheese, but spurned the smoked salmon and gave me a filthy look as if I had offered him a dreadful insult rather than a tasty snack.
I have just been preparing the starters and my cat wolfed down the king prawns, was OK with the cream cheese, but spurned the smoked salmon and gave me a filthy look as if I had offered him a dreadful insult rather than a tasty snack.
We had a whole spit roast small pig between about 20 of us, eating out in the garden because its 36C today, so there was plenty of plates left lying around with scraps on. We took our cat in for a plate of fresh fish, but its walked away from it back outside and continued thieving scraps of pork, there is no pleasing some felines!
The Giblets. But.............. They can be the basis of a fine soup!
True, but give them to the cat and he or she will be grateful for, maybe, five minutes. That in cat terms is an extraordinarily long time.
I have just been preparing the starters and my cat wolfed down the king prawns, was OK with the cream cheese, but spurned the smoked salmon and gave me a filthy look as if I had offered him a dreadful insult rather than a tasty snack.
Back to the kitchen, time to put the spuds in.
I've an alien imposter for a cat - ignores prawns, salmon et al - will consider Tesco Finest roast beef slices and tubs of CountryLife butter.
Comments
A Brummie goes for a job interview wearing a polyester shirt, bright flares and big boots.
The interviewer says "All you need now is a kipper tie."
The Brummie replies, "That would be love-lay, two sugars, ploise."
It's the way I tell 'em!
Happy Christmas everyone
Yuletide greetings one and all.
"Miss Whack, I`d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it`s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she`ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There`s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It`s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man`s a rolling stone".
Can I kick off with 4 across- Nauseant
22 Down Mayday?
13 Across Express?
Now I must go and put the turkey on.
Merry Christmas
4 ac. Peacekeepers = UN(United Nations). UN returning hiding a - N(a)U. Blogger = SeanT. N(a)U + SeanT = Nauseant.
11 ac. the lowest level = zero rate = O rate
14ac. Conservative =C. Socialist = Left. Conservative Socialist Union = C + Left = Cleft.
Id. US ticket = TRUMP PENCE. Half is even missing = T(R)U(M)P = TUP (even letters missing. TUP+ PENCE + TUPPENCE
5d. Hitchcock = Alfred. Bird detailes = egre(t). Egre in that = th(egre)at.
6d. Political party = SNP. Spectacles = OO. SNP wearing OO = Snoop.
8d. When April's foolish = The 1st = THE IST.
19d. Teachers = NUT (National Union of Teachers). Long = tall.
https://twitter.com/TEN_GOP/status/812753250323746817
Reflecting this morning, I realised how all our postings, our disagreements and our sometimes harsh words are made because we all think that politics matters. I'm tremendously honoured to be part of such a thinking and caring community. Long may it continue!
On this day in 1932, during King George V's Christmas dinner speech... his chair collapses.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPPD9cnOFzQ
Maligayang Pasko to all. Nearly finished here, have spend the afternoon eating too much spit roasted pig and imbibing whatever happened to be passing
A quick topical Santa cartoon......
http://tinyurl.com/zknovf4
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-38430843
Hope it's nothing serious.
Now must go and put the champers on ice.
3d. City = EC. Postcode of the City of London. Edited version of top arts = SPTATOR.
EC fills SPTATOR = SPECTATOR.
Dexter = Right (Latin) = R. Home = hearth. R leaves hea(r)th = Heath. Ted Heath.
Hope the recovery continues.
Hope it continues to go well
I've probably spent about eight or nine hours on it so far, and RCS (I think) mentioned 20 hours.
I hope he enjoys it Malc. I'm certainly enjoying mine!
10A - Pissed Off
27A - Leasehold
9D - must be "Lord Chancellor" from the letters and reference to Truss, but I can't get my head round the cryptic part.
I might volunteer to stay at home and peel the sprouts!
Merry Christmas all.
https://youtu.be/XNvuXF8J0A4
Thanks to StJohn for the crossword.
Right; off to work for me.
My timeline is full of ones in Christmas trees.
Have you seen the full video of the Christmas wrapped cat? I'm banned from posting cat videos so can't link - but it's lovely. He had his own YouTube channel too.
10 ac. Double definition.
27 ac. General = (General) Lee. Like = As. Lee stores as = Le(as)e. Keep =hold.
9d. Coil = roll. Up with coil = LLOR. Not lady luck = Lord Chance. LLOR not holding onto lady luck = LLOR holding onto LORD CHANCE = LORD CHANCELLOR. Truss is the Lord Chancellor.
This made me titter:
Me: 'I want a Unicorn'
Santa: 'Be realistic'
Me: 'I want a fiscally responsible government'
Santa: 'What colour unicorn?'
I will leave you with a "STJOHN", (St.John, "The Jumps", Occasional Horseracing Nod).
Silvinano Conti 33/1 each way in tomorrow's King George. There are only 5 runners so it's 1/4 the odds a place 1st and 2nd. He won the race in 2013 and 2014. He's probably not the force he once was but at the price he's worth a tilt.
Slow-cooked Turkey.
Luncheon is going to be delayed somewhat in this household as it has taken me 4 hours to truss the turkey, no one told me you should put it out of its misery first.
I'll get my coat.
Forgot to submit my Petition to have "Brussels Sprouts" officially renamed to "Freedom Sprouts", in light of the Brexit vote!
*Facepalm*
Still, hope everyone is enjoying, or enjoys, their Freedom Sprouts!
Merry Christmas!
But our house is structurally rebuilt (new loft convert, rebuilt extension, replastered downstairs walls).
Mum had to buy a ready-roasted chicken from Tesco yesterday (though she's cooking all the veg on the hob), and I'm having a sweet potato and goat's cheese pie!
Now about to tackle the chocolate coins and orange Matchmakers ... This won't end well, if I can remember any of it tomorrow.
Does Erdogan come under OTHER, then?
Watched Rogue One last night at Leicester Square. Not bad at all, perhaps better in many ways than Force Awakens!
The West thought she was an angel. She is just another bloody murderer.
It's just not the daredevil experience it once was.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZZPalUHlxc
Old Jewish guy rubs the lamp out pops a genie.
Genie: What wish do you want?
Guy pulls out a map of the Middle East. Peace in the Middle East, he says.
Genie says: you're mad, so many warring factions Sunni, Shia, Palestinians, Jews, all laying claim to ancient rites lost in the mists of time. Just can't do it; pick something else.
Guy says: well then when I go home to my wife this evening I want her to give me a blow job.
Genie: let me take another look at that map..
EDIT - bugger it's been bothering for years where I'd seen Superman's dad in Smallville before - he's a Duke bros!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBfrJHs56cA
1. The Breast
2. The Pelvis.
Parts of the Turkey I like
1. The Drumstick
2. The wings
3. The Parsons Nose
4. Properly roasted crackling skin.
Parts of the Turkey we normally throw away.
1, The Giblets. But..............
They can be the basis of a fine soup!
Eastern Thrace
Anatolia
(I'll get me coat)
It took me 18 days to get sick of forts in India but loads of other places to see, never bored in Egypt. They've so much variety and different takes on culture/history. I'm talking mid-late 00s here.
Turkey is the only destination I regret wasting time on. Three days would've done me fine.
They can be the basis of a fine soup!
True, but give them to the cat and he or she will be grateful for, maybe, five minutes. That in cat terms is an extraordinarily long time.
I have just been preparing the starters and my cat wolfed down the king prawns, was OK with the cream cheese, but spurned the smoked salmon and gave me a filthy look as if I had offered him a dreadful insult rather than a tasty snack.
Back to the kitchen, time to put the spuds in.