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Size isn’t important, it’s what you do with it that counts, just ask Jeremy Corbyn

SystemSystem Posts: 12,229
edited December 2024 in General
Size isn’t important, it’s what you do with it that counts, just ask Jeremy Corbyn – politicalbetting.com

Reminder that at the time of their landslide defeat in 2019, Labour had more members than they did in 1997. https://t.co/jprlvHfQgh

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Comments

  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    First, like Labour if Farage is the alternative.
  • Good morning everyone.

    Betting Post

    F1: I mentioned this before but there's a long time and the odds haven't changed yet. Lawson each way at 26 (boosted to 29) in Australia is worth backing with a little stake. The car matters most and I expect him to do a decent job, at least to start with.
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    PBers sometimes question the idea that Badenoch is both prickly and thin skinned, but her tweet illustrates the truth of it.

    I am encouraged that she clearly dislikes Farage and Reform though.

    Incidentally, why would anyone join Reform? It's not a party that decides policy democratically, but rather by the Fuhrer.
  • mwadamsmwadams Posts: 3,676
    Strange times indeed.

    It will be interesting to see what happens to the LDs. Their vote was much more efficient at the last election.

    Do they get more efficient still at the next election, where they are incumbents and it is now clearer where they were in second place?

    Or do they get mauled in a three-way media dogfight between Labour, Reform, and the Tories?
  • mwadams said:

    Foxy said:

    PBers sometimes question the idea that Badenoch is both prickly and thin skinned, but her tweet illustrates the truth of it.

    I am encouraged that she clearly dislikes Farage and Reform though.

    Incidentally, why would anyone join Reform? It's not a party that decides policy democratically, but rather by the Fuhrer.

    It is rather like buying your replica football shirt. You're unlikely to be picked for the squad, but you're showing your allegiance.
    Reform Party members = Full kit wankers?
  • ajbajb Posts: 148
    Foxy said:

    PBers sometimes question the idea that Badenoch is both prickly and thin skinned, but her tweet illustrates the truth of it.

    I am encouraged that she clearly dislikes Farage and Reform though.

    That would be more encouraging if she didn't also dislike practically everyone else too.

  • PJHPJH Posts: 710
    Foxy said:

    PBers sometimes question the idea that Badenoch is both prickly and thin skinned, but her tweet illustrates the truth of it.

    I am encouraged that she clearly dislikes Farage and Reform though.

    Incidentally, why would anyone join Reform? It's not a party that decides policy democratically, but rather by the Fuhrer.

    You can make exactly the same observation of the Conservatives - with the subtle difference that the MPs can remove the Fuehrer from time to time.
  • PJHPJH Posts: 710
    mwadams said:

    Strange times indeed.

    It will be interesting to see what happens to the LDs. Their vote was much more efficient at the last election.

    Do they get more efficient still at the next election, where they are incumbents and it is now clearer where they were in second place?

    Or do they get mauled in a three-way media dogfight between Labour, Reform, and the Tories?

    I would imagine in that situation it might be quite sticky. LD voters will be the most opposed to (and appalled by) Reform. There are almost no LD/Lab marginals, so they won't leak votes in that direction. There must be a chance that some ex-Cons will be tempted to shore up the Tories against Reform, but only if they are firmly opposed and can credibly rule out co-operation in the event of a hung parliament. If you are worried about Reform in an LD/Con marginal, surely returning your LD MP is the safer bet?
  • Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    Is there any reason for this particular episode of violent aggression?
  • Dura_AceDura_Ace Posts: 13,833
    Foxy said:



    Incidentally, why would anyone join Reform? It's not a party that decides policy democratically, but rather by the Fuhrer.

    Because we are clearly at inflexion point in British politics. The old order is bleeding out in front of our eyes and Gramsci's monsters are being whelped. Unless SKS and Foghorn Voice pull off an unlikely miracle with the economy then the Fukkers are in with a shout of forming the next government or, au moins, having a very large influence in it.

    If one were partial to the Fukkers' brand of idiotic, far right fucktardery then why wouldn't one join, is the more cromulent question.
  • South Korea impeaches president (another one): https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj30234e0djo
  • williamglennwilliamglenn Posts: 52,441
    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    This feels like the biggest test for the Russian regime since the start of the war.
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    Is there any reason for this particular episode of violent aggression?
    I think incompetence more likely, and they misidentified the incoming flight as a long range Ukranian drone, like the ones striking oil refineries etc.

    Then covering up their mistake with barbarity.
  • Dura_AceDura_Ace Posts: 13,833

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    This feels like the biggest test for the Russian regime since the start of the war.
    Is it? They'll deny everything, kill those responsible and any witnesses and then what's Azerbaijan (or anyone else) going to do about it? Ooh, I know, SANCTIONS!
  • mwadamsmwadams Posts: 3,676
    Foxy said:

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    Is there any reason for this particular episode of violent aggression?
    I think incompetence more likely, and they misidentified the incoming flight as a long range Ukranian drone, like the ones striking oil refineries etc.

    Then covering up their mistake with barbarity.
    I certainly wouldn't want to be on a plane routed anywhere near Russian territory. This won't be the last such mistake.
  • bondegezoubondegezou Posts: 11,679
    The presumption has been that the Conservatives will easily win the next Canadian election. However, if the Liberals replace Trudeau, as seems increasingly possible, will that have an effect? And how will Trump’s ideas for a union with Canada play out? They seem awkward for the Tories. Are there any betting opportunities here?
  • maxhmaxh Posts: 1,338
    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    This feels like the biggest test for the Russian regime since the start of the war.
    Surely that was the Wagner Group mutiny.
  • OldKingColeOldKingCole Posts: 33,791
    mwadams said:

    Foxy said:

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    Is there any reason for this particular episode of violent aggression?
    I think incompetence more likely, and they misidentified the incoming flight as a long range Ukranian drone, like the ones striking oil refineries etc.

    Then covering up their mistake with barbarity.
    I certainly wouldn't want to be on a plane routed anywhere near Russian territory. This won't be the last such mistake.
    It isn't, is it? Similar 'accident' a few years ago near the Ukranian border.
  • Dura_AceDura_Ace Posts: 13,833
    edited December 2024
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    I know when I have marital issues rooted in existential questions of faith, the first place I go is the arse end of the Internet populated by a collection of obsessives, malcontents and the deeply boring.

    b) is the obvious answer but is also the biggest pain in the dick. You know what you have to do, soldier.
  • LostPasswordLostPassword Posts: 18,998
    edited December 2024
    mwadams said:

    Strange times indeed.

    It will be interesting to see what happens to the LDs. Their vote was much more efficient at the last election.

    Do they get more efficient still at the next election, where they are incumbents and it is now clearer where they were in second place?

    Or do they get mauled in a three-way media dogfight between Labour, Reform, and the Tories?

    I haven't looked at this in detail, but my impression is that the Lib Dem vote was almost too efficient at the 2024GE. This means that they have quite few second places, or even strong third places, and so their electoral performance leaves them in something of a cul-de-sac.

    They don't have enough "wasted votes" that could be the basis of a push towards 150 seats.

    For example, the seat with the 100th highest vote share for the Lib Dems was Kenilworth and Southam. The Lib Dems came third with 19.6% (C:36.4;L:24.1). Their 125th seat was Clapham and Brixton Hill with 14.4%, second behind Labour (56.5) and 393 votes ahead of the Greens. Their 150th seat was Newcastle upon Tyne North, where they were third with 12.2% (L:50.3;C:13.7) only three votes ahead of Reform.

    To make any further progress the Lib Dems need to be making waves in the national political consciousness.
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    edited December 2024

    The presumption has been that the Conservatives will easily win the next Canadian election. However, if the Liberals replace Trudeau, as seems increasingly possible, will that have an effect? And how will Trump’s ideas for a union with Canada play out? They seem awkward for the Tories. Are there any betting opportunities here?

    I think that the Daily Telegraph columnists are feeling a bit miffed that Trump hasn't wanted to annex us too so are proposing to join a Federal Superstate with common currency.

    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/12/26/51st-state-usa-trump-starmer-eu-special-relationship/

    (I don't think they realise that becoming a US State would require abolishing the Monarchy and disestablishing the CoE amongst a few other trivial changes)
  • JosiasJessopJosiasJessop Posts: 43,656
    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    As much as I like to think the worst of Russia, and am rarely disappointed, I am slightly sceptical about the second point.

    Allegedly air defences were triggered by an incoming Ukrainian raid (this does *not* make the incident Ukraine's fault). In which case, the air defences would have been on high alert. The order to cross the Caspian Sea may therefore not have been to let it crash in the sea, as some have claimed, but simply to get a damaged plane out of an area of danger as there was likely to be more missiles and guns fired into the sky.

    In addition, according to Ryan McBeith, one of the alternative airfields was in a mountainous area, and the other might have had poor weather conditions. Crossing the sea might have been the 'best' alternative of a very poor lot, and indeed, it might have been the crew's choice as well.

    The CVR and FDR will be able to tell us more. I have the Khazak authorities are more open and transparent than Russia's have traditionally been.
  • JosiasJessopJosiasJessop Posts: 43,656
    Incidentally, when it comes to Russia, crashes and cover-ups, there's this horrific story:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=belTVOf073Q

    A Russian military plane crashed into a daycare centre killing loads of kids. It was, quite literally, rapidly covered up.

    "By 21:00 on May 16, less than 9 hours after the crash, the debris had been cleared, and the aircraft wreckage along with the remains of the victims had been removed. By the morning of May 17, a small park had been established on the site of the kindergarten. To minimize public attention, suburban trains were canceled, and road traffic connecting the regional center to Svetlogorsk was restricted on the day of the victims' funerals."
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    I would find an excuse not to meet up.

    Explain that you are wanting to continue attending, and therefore open to his ministry, but not wanting a one to one.

    There is also the risk that you could precipitate a crisis of faith in him, with continuing ramifications. He may well be headed that way already, but doesn't need a push.
  • squareroot2squareroot2 Posts: 6,857
    edited December 2024
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    It's difficult to have a chat when your mind is already made up.
  • OldKingColeOldKingCole Posts: 33,791
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Hmmm. I reckon you're getting a bit too deeply into this. The vicar clearly fancies a challenge, but I wonder whether the two of you would be better off discussing cricket (or whatever) than religion if you fancy trips to the pub.
    I think c) is your best option, to be honest. Obviously I think you should respect your wife's views but I doubt very much whether anything she or the vicar say bis going to shift you, or indeed anything you say she to herbs going to shift her!
    I would wonder, too, if constantly harping on the subject, especially with a third party involved, could threaten your marital relationship.
  • MarqueeMarkMarqueeMark Posts: 53,071

    South Korea impeaches president (another one): https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj30234e0djo

    Not so much Duck-soo as Duck Soup (anarchy by Marx Brothers).
  • AnneJGPAnneJGP Posts: 3,111
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Thank you for supporting your wife. It seems to me that an option for (d) might be to meet him as planned and approach it with the intention of listening to him rather than discussing anything. It may be that he might need a listening ear to help him process his own issues, even though he's probably not aware of it.

    Whatever you decide, it sounds as though it will be a good decision.

    And good morning everyone.
  • LostPasswordLostPassword Posts: 18,998
    maxh said:

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Option b.

    I think you're trying to take too much responsibility for his reaction to these talks, but you've got to let him make his own mistakes. Option b feels like the option that is truest to yourself, while being polite and respectful.
  • MarqueeMarkMarqueeMark Posts: 53,071

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    As much as I like to think the worst of Russia, and am rarely disappointed, I am slightly sceptical about the second point.

    Allegedly air defences were triggered by an incoming Ukrainian raid (this does *not* make the incident Ukraine's fault). In which case, the air defences would have been on high alert. The order to cross the Caspian Sea may therefore not have been to let it crash in the sea, as some have claimed, but simply to get a damaged plane out of an area of danger as there was likely to be more missiles and guns fired into the sky.

    In addition, according to Ryan McBeith, one of the alternative airfields was in a mountainous area, and the other might have had poor weather conditions. Crossing the sea might have been the 'best' alternative of a very poor lot, and indeed, it might have been the crew's choice as well.

    The CVR and FDR will be able to tell us more. I have the Khazak authorities are more open and transparent than Russia's have traditionally been.
    The plane had reportedly been diverted by fog, which may have left the local air defence out the loop. But shoot first, cover up a civilian airliner later still requires a mass of answers.

    Russia should now be an aviation destination cut off from the world. Surely the insurance industry could refuse to cover any plane with a Russian destination?
  • JosiasJessopJosiasJessop Posts: 43,656
    edited December 2024

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Hmmm. I reckon you're getting a bit too deeply into this. The vicar clearly fancies a challenge, but I wonder whether the two of you would be better off discussing cricket (or whatever) than religion if you fancy trips to the pub.
    I think c) is your best option, to be honest. Obviously I think you should respect your wife's views but I doubt very much whether anything she or the vicar say bis going to shift you, or indeed anything you say she to herbs going to shift her!
    I would wonder, too, if constantly harping on the subject, especially with a third party involved, could threaten your marital relationship.
    There seems to be an utter lack of respect from the vicar on this. MaxH is doing a good job; respecting his wife's faith and even bringing their kids up in that faith. In attempting to convert him like this, the vicar is showing f-all respect for MaxH's views.

    IMO, if MaxH is going to turn to the faith, it will be a journey he makes inside himself.

    (My parents brought up their three kids as non-religious. There was no religion in the house; it was not banned, just not present except when religious relatives visited. Religion was an irrelevance. My dad said something like: "There are many different faiths; you have to choose for yourselves what you want to believe." Both my brother and sister became Christians. I did not, but I am agnostic. I'd argue that's a good strike rate for a hands-off approach.)
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318

    Foxy said:

    Azerbaijan government sources confirm to Euronews:
    1) Russian air defense missile struck the plane.
    2) Russia forbade the damaged aircraft from emergency landing in Russia and ordered it to fly across the Caspian Sea to Kazakhstan.
    3) Russia jammed aircraft navigation over the Caspian Sea.

    https://bsky.app/profile/igorsushko.bsky.social/post/3lea4umglgc2b

    As much as I like to think the worst of Russia, and am rarely disappointed, I am slightly sceptical about the second point.

    Allegedly air defences were triggered by an incoming Ukrainian raid (this does *not* make the incident Ukraine's fault). In which case, the air defences would have been on high alert. The order to cross the Caspian Sea may therefore not have been to let it crash in the sea, as some have claimed, but simply to get a damaged plane out of an area of danger as there was likely to be more missiles and guns fired into the sky.

    In addition, according to Ryan McBeith, one of the alternative airfields was in a mountainous area, and the other might have had poor weather conditions. Crossing the sea might have been the 'best' alternative of a very poor lot, and indeed, it might have been the crew's choice as well.

    The CVR and FDR will be able to tell us more. I have the Khazak authorities are more open and transparent than Russia's have traditionally been.
    The plane had reportedly been diverted by fog, which may have left the local air defence out the loop. But shoot first, cover up a civilian airliner later still requires a mass of answers.

    Russia should now be an aviation destination cut off from the world. Surely the insurance industry could refuse to cover any plane with a Russian destination?
    El Al have stopped their Moscow route.

    https://www.timesofisrael.com/el-al-pausing-flights-to-moscow-for-a-week-after-passenger-jet-said-downed-by-russia/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=bluesky
  • MarqueeMarkMarqueeMark Posts: 53,071

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    It's difficult to have a chat when your mind is already made up.
    Well that covers the vicar.
  • CarnyxCarnyx Posts: 43,533

    Carnyx said:
    It'll never catch on in Scotland then.
    Our clootie dumpling for Boxing Day dinner was unfried ...

    #Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
  • Nunu3Nunu3 Posts: 240
    there is a big fight on twitter between MAGA cultists and the right wing tech bros (Elon etc) over high skilled immigration. Ofcourse the tech bros want more high skilled immigration (indians will benefit hugely) and MAGA do not want to lift the Hb-1 visa cap.
    I sincerely hope trump learns from Canada and the UK in that having endless Indian immigration does not in fact make your country a tech superpower or rich.
  • Scott_xPScott_xP Posts: 36,114
    Carnyx said:

    Carnyx said:
    It'll never catch on in Scotland then.
    Our clootie dumpling for Boxing Day dinner was unfried ...

    #Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
    Presumably you had it fried for breakfast this morning though
  • CarnyxCarnyx Posts: 43,533
    Scott_xP said:

    Carnyx said:

    Carnyx said:
    It'll never catch on in Scotland then.
    Our clootie dumpling for Boxing Day dinner was unfried ...

    #Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
    Presumably you had it fried for breakfast this morning though
    No, none left!
  • CarnyxCarnyx Posts: 43,533

    Carnyx said:

    Carnyx said:
    It'll never catch on in Scotland then.
    Our clootie dumpling for Boxing Day dinner was unfried ...

    #Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
    Tempura, shirley?
    That closed down, too ... (no, seriously, a very fine Japanese bento place next to Greyfriars Bobby in Edinburgh).
  • Big_G_NorthWalesBig_G_NorthWales Posts: 63,797
    edited December 2024
    Good morning

    I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas

    This was the first Christmas in 62 years my wife and I did not have family lunch, but really enjoyed the family coming round in the morning and the grandchildren opening their presents before we had a pleasant rest and a quiet time for the rest of the day

    I looked in and am amazed at how good posters are on the crossword [I am hopeless at them] but quickly logged out when catching up on Trump's idea of annexing Greenland, Canada, and the Panama canal.

    Also, I really cannot be bothered with the childish games Farage and Badenoch are playing over who has most members.

    I can understand it tickles Farage's self importance but really does Badenoch need to engage with him ?

    With Labour's unpopularity, Badenoch needs to take the fight to Labour and leave Farage to swim in the wake of Trump and his idiotic ideas

    And to @maxh I would be polite but try not to become too involved.
  • maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Your vicar clearly is trying to sell the bible as some sort of religious document. In America, where this is taken for granted, universities offer courses on the bible as literature. You might want to explore that angle. I imagine there are online courses you can sign up to. That way, you keep the missus happy that you are studying the good book, but get to experience it for your reading pleasure rather than having your arm twisted to convert.
  • ydoethurydoethur Posts: 71,985
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Hey Max

    Depending on how much time you have on your hands, or how seriously you want to take this, there is another way out:

    You could actually read John’s Gospel and then point out all the conflicts with the synoptic gospels, asking if that doesn’t undermine the Vicar’s argument as it’s clearly meant to be an allegory for living a Christian life based on Greek ideas of Logos and Stoicism, and not a study of the life of Jesus.

    (Anyone wanting to do the latter should start with Mark, which is a straightforward biography of Jesus and is very different from John.)

    Harrington wrote several short and readable books on this including this one:

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/John-Spiritual-Theologian-Jesus/dp/1856072681

    But, depending on what resources you have access to, unit 3 of the Edexcel A-level RS is New Testament Studies and includes John as a case study. You may find your school already has some stuff (or can get it from ZigZag) that you could just skim quickly.
  • IanB2IanB2 Posts: 50,201
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
  • BarnesianBarnesian Posts: 8,699
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Give the vicar the choice of a) b) or c). He'll go for b) or c) depending how strong his faith is. Only he knows.
  • GadflyGadfly Posts: 1,193
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    My Christianity waned after having our first child baptised, and I was decidedly agnostic when the later children rocked up. Mrs Gadfly was keen to have them christened but I struggled with the concept to publicly declaring something that I didn't believe in. I requested a meeting with the vicar, in the hope that he could guide me through my quandary. However, during that meeting it materialized that the vicar was a far greater agnostic than myself. The christening went ahead :-)
  • Scott_xPScott_xP Posts: 36,114
    Carnyx said:

    Scott_xP said:

    Carnyx said:

    Carnyx said:
    It'll never catch on in Scotland then.
    Our clootie dumpling for Boxing Day dinner was unfried ...

    #Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis
    Presumably you had it fried for breakfast this morning though
    No, none left!
    You mean it wasn't big enough to start with...
  • IanB2IanB2 Posts: 50,201
    edited December 2024
    ydoethur said:

    IanB2 said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
    Says a poster on PB…
    True. Although the discussion here is regularly educational and if not that, then often entertaining. I doubt that arguing with what sounds like a narrow-minded vicar about one of the gospels is going to deliver the same.

    The OP could insist the vicar reads some Richard Dawkins in return, for a more balanced deal!
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    Gadfly said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    My Christianity waned after having our first child baptised, and I was decidedly agnostic when the later children rocked up. Mrs Gadfly was keen to have them christened but I struggled with the concept to publicly declaring something that I didn't believe in. I requested a meeting with the vicar, in the hope that he could guide me through my quandary. However, during that meeting it materialized that the vicar was a far greater agnostic than myself. The christening went ahead :-)
    It reminds me of a conversation with an elderly member of my congregation in a study group. She had thought she wasn't a good enough Christian to officially join, but after a while she realised how imperfect the church elders were, so it wasn't a problem after all...
  • Reform aren't the equivalent of Labour in the early 20th Century, they're the equivalent of the SDP/Alliance in the 1980s.
  • maxhmaxh Posts: 1,338
    Foxy said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    I would find an excuse not to meet up.

    Explain that you are wanting to continue attending, and therefore open to his ministry, but not wanting a one to one.

    There is also the risk that you could precipitate a crisis of faith in him, with continuing ramifications. He may well be headed that way already, but doesn't need a push.
    Thanks everyone.

    With respect to @Dura_Ace's no prisoners approach (which is probably closest to my own instincts) the consensus is with @Foxy and others. I think I'm in a bit too deep and can only disappoint by meeting again.
  • OldKingColeOldKingCole Posts: 33,791
    IanB2 said:

    ydoethur said:

    IanB2 said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
    Says a poster on PB…
    True. Although the discussion here is regularly educational and if not that, then often entertaining. I doubt that arguing with what sounds like a narrow-minded vicar about one of the gospels is going to deliver the same.

    The OP could insist the vicar reads some Richard Dawkins in return, for a more balanced deal!
    I suggest, gently, that the last thing that Mr H should do is 'argue' with the vicar. Debate, yes, discuss, yes, but argue suggests something else.

    Although, having read the various posts, I stand by my original one. The best option is c); neither participant is going to get anywhere.
  • TazTaz Posts: 15,190
    ydoethur said:

    IanB2 said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
    Says a poster on PB…
    Touché
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    IanB2 said:

    ydoethur said:

    IanB2 said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
    Says a poster on PB…
    True. Although the discussion here is regularly educational and if not that, then often entertaining. I doubt that arguing with what sounds like a narrow-minded vicar about one of the gospels is going to deliver the same.

    The OP could insist the vicar reads some Richard Dawkins in return, for a more balanced deal!
    I think arguing from such fixed views is unlikely to progress, but much more likely to further entrench views. The same comes from arguing politics with relatives with polar opposite views over the festive season.

    Better is to find things to agree on, and to build on that common ground. I recently listened to an interesting book on this from a liberal agnostic daughter of a MAGA pentecostal preacher:

    https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/1705277306?source_code=ASSORAP0511160007

    She does a great TikTok too, indeed that's where I found her book.

    https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGdkFrx25/
  • boulayboulay Posts: 5,573
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Why are you going to church with your wife and children on a Sunday if it’s not for you anyway? Surely it’s better for them if you and your wife can point out that she believes in a firm organised region so takes them to church, you don’t so you don’t go and so when they are ready they can make their own minds up and you as parents will understand either way.

    I would tell the vicar that it’s not your thing but thanks and if he needs a chat about issues he has that you might be able to help with then go for a pint together and stay well clear of his vicarage or whatever he lives in. Sounds like a pint or two and a chat would sort him out.
  • TazTaz Posts: 15,190
    Dura_Ace said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    I know when I have marital issues rooted in existential questions of faith, the first place I go is the arse end of the Internet populated by a collection of obsessives, malcontents and the deeply boring.

    b) is the obvious answer but is also the biggest pain in the dick. You know what you have to do, soldier.
    Terrific answer.

    Never change. This place would be all the duller without your rapier like wit.
  • maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Read John, it's a great book. Meet him, enjoy the discussions, and be perfectly honest with him, in a perfectly open and civilised way. Take it from there and see what happens.

    You may both enjoy and learn from it.
  • DavidLDavidL Posts: 54,085
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    It is interesting that it was John that he asked you to read. John, unlike the 3 other gospels, contains the story of doubting Thomas, the man who needed physical evidence. It says, "Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."

    The minister who brought me into membership of the Church of Scotland was very taken by that passage. He talked of "the leap of faith" which we, in these benighted times, had to take before we could be "blessed".

    My own faith died a long time ago, falling into agnosticism and even beyond. I would meet with him and engage fully but of course respectfully. He is no doubt a decent man with a genuine belief that wants to share the benefits it brings him. Unless he changes your mind it is an entirely respectful (which you need given your wife's faith) to say that you are not ready to make that leap of faith, even if there is much to admire in the teaching.
  • TazTaz Posts: 15,190

    mwadams said:

    Foxy said:

    PBers sometimes question the idea that Badenoch is both prickly and thin skinned, but her tweet illustrates the truth of it.

    I am encouraged that she clearly dislikes Farage and Reform though.

    Incidentally, why would anyone join Reform? It's not a party that decides policy democratically, but rather by the Fuhrer.

    It is rather like buying your replica football shirt. You're unlikely to be picked for the squad, but you're showing your allegiance.
    Reform Party members = Full kit wankers?
    If they are so motivated then it really helps Reform if they have people prepared to go out and campaign for them/deliver leaflets etc etc.

    Especially when they start gaining more and more councillors too.

    It didn’t work for UKIP as they really had no ground game to build on the councillors they gained.

    This time may be different.

  • IanB2 said:

    ydoethur said:

    IanB2 said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
    Says a poster on PB…
    True. Although the discussion here is regularly educational and if not that, then often entertaining. I doubt that arguing with what sounds like a narrow-minded vicar about one of the gospels is going to deliver the same.

    The OP could insist the vicar reads some Richard Dawkins in return, for a more balanced deal!
    Jeezo, you wouldn't want the rev to open another front with Dawkins' cultural Christian bolleaux.

    'Come for the hymns, stay for the muddle headed hypocrisy and the acceptable kind of noncing!'

  • maxhmaxh Posts: 1,338
    My initial reply was far too swift - thanks for the very interesting replies everyone! Once I'm not chasing boisterous kids around I'll read and absorb replies properly.
  • ydoethurydoethur Posts: 71,985
    IanB2 said:

    ydoethur said:

    IanB2 said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    You've said he has no hope of changing your view, and I'd assume the reverse is also true, since his vocation and living depend upon it. So what's the objective of getting into a heavy discussion with no hope of resolution?
    Says a poster on PB…
    True. Although the discussion here is regularly educational and if not that, then often entertaining. I doubt that arguing with what sounds like a narrow-minded vicar about one of the gospels is going to deliver the same.

    The OP could insist the vicar reads some Richard Dawkins in return, for a more balanced deal!
    Why? Dawkins is an ignorant buffoon whose work has been generally ridiculed even if it's popular. It would be like advising somebody to read William Lane Craig for balance on the subject of biology.
  • OT but an amusing (to me at least) anecdote and curious if others have had similar experiences with children.

    For the last few years every day on Boxing Day my daughter has in some way expressed that Christmas is 'over' so should we take down the tree, or something similar. When she was in Year 1 at school she asked for her school uniform on Boxing Day morning as she said she should go to school that day since Christmas is over.

    This year (now aged 8) she seems to understand that her Christmas holiday was 2 weeks off school, so I joked with my wife on Christmas night that I was expecting that annual tradition of her expecting Boxing Day to be 'back to normal' not to be repeated tomorrow (now yesterday).

    Got through Boxing Day until bedtime without any such remarks this year, at which point she brought her mini Christmas Tree down from her bedroom into the living room saying she doesn't want it in her room now as Christmas is over.
  • kjhkjh Posts: 11,977
    edited December 2024
    Gadfly said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    My Christianity waned after having our first child baptised, and I was decidedly agnostic when the later children rocked up. Mrs Gadfly was keen to have them christened but I struggled with the concept to publicly declaring something that I didn't believe in. I requested a meeting with the vicar, in the hope that he could guide me through my quandary. However, during that meeting it materialized that the vicar was a far greater agnostic than myself. The christening went ahead :-)
    Interesting. We are both atheists so didn't have a church wedding or a baptism for our children. My sister in law did the full works for her children so it was a surprise to find out she was also an atheist. She did it because she thought it important to recognise the event and get everyone together for it. We had a nice wedding, but I regret we didn't have a naming event for our children. Never crossed our minds to do so.
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318
    Of the 4 Gospels, I tend to prefer Matthew. Mark is a bit terse, Luke a bit more lovey-dovey, but John is a bit too ethereal. Matthew has an edge of harshness that sets off the story well. Perhaps it's my inner Calvinist at work.

    It was something that I thought about when writing my PB header on US Evangelicals in October. One theme of the piece was how Evangelicalism in the USA transformed in the postwar period to embrace capitalism, consumerism and show business thereby meeting people where they were and not requiring too much change in their lives.

    I think too that applies to those of us who chose a religion or tradition that we are not born to. We choose a sect that comes closest to our worldview rather than one that challenges it too directly. Hence I am in a non-heirarchical Nonconformist Church with a strong strand of environmentalism, so pretty similar situation in many ways to the consumerist US Evangelicals.
  • algarkirkalgarkirk Posts: 12,935
    edited December 2024
    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable item.
  • NigelbNigelb Posts: 72,515
    Dura_Ace said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    I know when I have marital issues rooted in existential questions of faith, the first place I go is the arse end of the Internet populated by a collection of obsessives, malcontents and the deeply boring.

    b) is the obvious answer but is also the biggest pain in the dick. You know what you have to do, soldier.
    You are likely one of very few people who can happily follow your advice, though.
  • algarkirk said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable item.
    Religion just like all -isms is perfectly knowable.

    We know the history of how humanity has created its religions, many religions over thousands of years, how they've evolved, why they've evolved and how they're evolving still (as @Foxy says at 9:48am).

    There is much to be known about religion. There is some bits of science we don't yet know, but there is no reason to ascribe that to religion.
  • ClippPClippP Posts: 1,926

    Reform aren't the equivalent of Labour in the early 20th Century, they're the equivalent of the SDP/Alliance in the 1980s.

    Not as strong as the Alliance by a long way. The Liberal Party had a good base in local government in the early 80s, and in terms of organisation the SDP were the icing on the cake.

    Isn't Farage on the point of being taken over by Musk, and from there by the Chinese?
  • FoxyFoxy Posts: 49,318

    OT but an amusing (to me at least) anecdote and curious if others have had similar experiences with children.

    For the last few years every day on Boxing Day my daughter has in some way expressed that Christmas is 'over' so should we take down the tree, or something similar. When she was in Year 1 at school she asked for her school uniform on Boxing Day morning as she said she should go to school that day since Christmas is over.

    This year (now aged 8) she seems to understand that her Christmas holiday was 2 weeks off school, so I joked with my wife on Christmas night that I was expecting that annual tradition of her expecting Boxing Day to be 'back to normal' not to be repeated tomorrow (now yesterday).

    Got through Boxing Day until bedtime without any such remarks this year, at which point she brought her mini Christmas Tree down from her bedroom into the living room saying she doesn't want it in her room now as Christmas is over.

    Don't you need to educate her on the 12 days of Christmas? So Christmas isn't over until Epiphany, which is about the right time to go back to school.
  • TazTaz Posts: 15,190
    Centrist Dad Rory Stewart on why Rachel Reeves has been a disaster

    https://x.com/benobesejecty/status/1872370270679544308?s=61
  • F1: I'm just writing some stuff and it's amusing to note Hamilton has more podium results than Stroll does races.
  • MalmesburyMalmesbury Posts: 51,423
    algarkirk said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable item.
    Question - who do you reckon was the first “modern” historian? In the sense of sourced, academic grade writing. As opposed to “my opinion, which is right.”?
  • Religious faith has plenty of appeal - I have felt the most complete I could be at times when I was active in the church. Problem was that for much of it I was self-aware enough to know that I was going through the motions.
  • maxh said:

    My initial reply was far too swift - thanks for the very interesting replies everyone! Once I'm not chasing boisterous kids around I'll read and absorb replies properly.

    It was a very interesting question, Max, and kind of seasonal in its own way. It deserved the intelligent response it got.

    Good luck.
  • BarnesianBarnesian Posts: 8,699
    edited December 2024
    Cathechism Q17:
    What is God
    Answer - God is the supreme spirit who alone exists of itself and is infinite in all perfections.

    I learned this at the age of 7. I didn't know what it meant then, and I don't know what it means now, but I can still remember it word perfect 75 years later.

    The nuns who taught me had leather belts.
  • Dura_AceDura_Ace Posts: 13,833
    On topic... the Kemster has really fucked this up. By arguing the toss about the Fukkers' membership numbers she legitimises and promotes them. Which was presumably the intent when the Fukkers put the counter on their website.
  • BartholomewRobertsBartholomewRoberts Posts: 22,550
    edited December 2024
    Foxy said:

    OT but an amusing (to me at least) anecdote and curious if others have had similar experiences with children.

    For the last few years every day on Boxing Day my daughter has in some way expressed that Christmas is 'over' so should we take down the tree, or something similar. When she was in Year 1 at school she asked for her school uniform on Boxing Day morning as she said she should go to school that day since Christmas is over.

    This year (now aged 8) she seems to understand that her Christmas holiday was 2 weeks off school, so I joked with my wife on Christmas night that I was expecting that annual tradition of her expecting Boxing Day to be 'back to normal' not to be repeated tomorrow (now yesterday).

    Got through Boxing Day until bedtime without any such remarks this year, at which point she brought her mini Christmas Tree down from her bedroom into the living room saying she doesn't want it in her room now as Christmas is over.

    Don't you need to educate her on the 12 days of Christmas? So Christmas isn't over until Epiphany, which is about the right time to go back to school.
    We don't celebrate 12 days or Epiphany.

    We don't stick to full 12 days either as my wife's birthday is in early January and it was her parents tradition (and ours we've continued) that Christmas is over and the tree down etc in the window after New Years day and before her birthday, so that her birthday is about her and not Christmas.

    Christmas began in November when the kids went to see Santa in his grotto, we could start to listen to Christmas music and our lights on the house and tree went up late November.
    1st December it begins in earnest with the arrival of the Elves and Advent calendars.
    24 December the Elves went back to the North Pole to help Santa who arrived that night.

    Now its just the Christmas holiday until New Year and sometime on the 2nd or 3rd we'll pack the tree away and get ready for my wife's birthday before things then get back to normal.
  • TazTaz Posts: 15,190
    Dura_Ace said:

    On topic... the Kemster has really fucked this up. By arguing the toss about the Fukkers' membership numbers she legitimises and promotes them. Which was presumably the intent when the Fukkers put the counter on their website.

    How can she and her advisers not see this !!
  • NickPalmerNickPalmer Posts: 21,579
    boulay said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    Why are you going to church with your wife and children on a Sunday if it’s not for you anyway? Surely it’s better for them if you and your wife can point out that she believes in a firm organised region so takes them to church, you don’t so you don’t go and so when they are ready they can make their own minds up and you as parents will understand either way.

    I would tell the vicar that it’s not your thing but thanks and if he needs a chat about issues he has that you might be able to help with then go for a pint together and stay well clear of his vicarage or whatever he lives in. Sounds like a pint or two and a chat would sort him out.
    Interesting question. But Boulay's response seems perfectly reasonable - you're not a good use of the vicar's time, and you and your wife absolutely have a right to different views - indeed it's a good sign that you're comfortable with it.
  • Sean_FSean_F Posts: 37,600

    algarkirk said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable item.
    Question - who do you reckon was the first “modern” historian? In the sense of sourced, academic grade writing. As opposed to “my opinion, which is right.”?
    That we know of, Herodotus.

    Whilst there are plenty of tall tales, it’s clear that he studied records and interviewed eye-witnesses to write his work.
  • Taz said:

    Dura_Ace said:

    On topic... the Kemster has really fucked this up. By arguing the toss about the Fukkers' membership numbers she legitimises and promotes them. Which was presumably the intent when the Fukkers put the counter on their website.

    How can she and her advisers not see this !!
    She's the first of the "I can't come to bed, someone on the internet is wrong" generation to make it to the top in UK politics. Upsides: feisty, determined, knows how to make a noise. Downside: trivially easy to wind up. It's one of the reasons boring old Starmer wins PMQs at a canter pretty much every week.
  • Taz said:

    Dura_Ace said:

    On topic... the Kemster has really fucked this up. By arguing the toss about the Fukkers' membership numbers she legitimises and promotes them. Which was presumably the intent when the Fukkers put the counter on their website.

    How can she and her advisers not see this !!
    Because they are the CONSERVATIVE PARTY. They are RIGHT. They are SERIOUS. Who are these Reform idiots to presume that they are more popular than HER Tory party. Don't they know who she is???

    Etc
  • ydoethurydoethur Posts: 71,985
    edited December 2024

    algarkirk said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable item.
    Question - who do you reckon was the first “modern” historian? In the sense of sourced, academic grade writing. As opposed to “my opinion, which is right.”?
    In terms of developing it into an academic discipline (and notwithstanding the claims of Tacitus, Herodotus, John Russell and Edward Gibbon) it would be nineteenth century German philologist Leopold von Ranke, who coined the phrase 'wie es eigentlich gewesen' (how it really was).
  • algarkirk said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable item.
    Maybe get off the agnostic fence...And become an atheist..😏
  • Alphabet_SoupAlphabet_Soup Posts: 3,341
    edited December 2024

    Foxy said:

    OT but an amusing (to me at least) anecdote and curious if others have had similar experiences with children.

    For the last few years every day on Boxing Day my daughter has in some way expressed that Christmas is 'over' so should we take down the tree, or something similar. When she was in Year 1 at school she asked for her school uniform on Boxing Day morning as she said she should go to school that day since Christmas is over.

    This year (now aged 8) she seems to understand that her Christmas holiday was 2 weeks off school, so I joked with my wife on Christmas night that I was expecting that annual tradition of her expecting Boxing Day to be 'back to normal' not to be repeated tomorrow (now yesterday).

    Got through Boxing Day until bedtime without any such remarks this year, at which point she brought her mini Christmas Tree down from her bedroom into the living room saying she doesn't want it in her room now as Christmas is over.

    Don't you need to educate her on the 12 days of Christmas? So Christmas isn't over until Epiphany, which is about the right time to go back to school.
    We don't celebrate 12 days or Epiphany.

    We don't stick to full 12 days either as my wife's birthday is in early January and it was her parents tradition (and ours we've continued) that Christmas is over and the tree down etc in the window after New Years day and before her birthday, so that her birthday is about her and not Christmas.

    Christmas began in November when the kids went to see Santa in his grotto, we could start to listen to Christmas music and our lights on the house and tree went up late November.
    1st December it begins in earnest with the arrival of the Elves and Advent calendars.
    24 December the Elves went back to the North Pole to help Santa who arrived that night.

    Now its just the Christmas holiday until New Year and sometime on the 2nd or 3rd we'll pack the tree away and get ready for my wife's birthday before things then get back to normal.
    The villain of the piece was, of course, Harold Wilson, whose solution to NYD absenteeism was to declare a bank holiday (at employers' expense) rather than to dock wages and bonuses. This created the familiar Three Lost Days during which people sit around aimlessly complaining about the weather and the cost of living. If we became the 51st state of the union the constitutional status of the monarchy or the CoE would be nothing compared to the (British) human right for two weeks of idleness at 'just the worse time of the year'.
  • HYUFDHYUFD Posts: 124,251
    Yes, Labour under Corbyn had 150,000 more members than it does now under Starmer but it was the latter who won a general election.

    It is not surprising more hardcore rightwingers have switched to Farage's Reform over the Tories, though in most polls the Tories are still ahead of Reform even if Reform have more members. Remember the main swing since July has been Labour to Reform, the Tories little changed. Some Tories would vote LD over Reform even if they would not join any party
  • CHartCHart Posts: 106
    Dura_Ace said:

    Foxy said:



    Incidentally, why would anyone join Reform? It's not a party that decides policy democratically, but rather by the Fuhrer.

    Because we are clearly at inflexion point in British politics. The old order is bleeding out in front of our eyes and Gramsci's monsters are being whelped. Unless SKS and Foghorn Voice pull off an unlikely miracle with the economy then the Fukkers are in with a shout of forming the next government or, au moins, having a very large influence in it.

    If one were partial to the Fukkers' brand of idiotic, far right fucktardery then why wouldn't one join, is the more cromulent question.
    If you dont provide people hope they will decide they might as well tear the system down. Why not.
  • CookieCookie Posts: 14,111

    Foxy said:

    OT but an amusing (to me at least) anecdote and curious if others have had similar experiences with children.

    For the last few years every day on Boxing Day my daughter has in some way expressed that Christmas is 'over' so should we take down the tree, or something similar. When she was in Year 1 at school she asked for her school uniform on Boxing Day morning as she said she should go to school that day since Christmas is over.

    This year (now aged 8) she seems to understand that her Christmas holiday was 2 weeks off school, so I joked with my wife on Christmas night that I was expecting that annual tradition of her expecting Boxing Day to be 'back to normal' not to be repeated tomorrow (now yesterday).

    Got through Boxing Day until bedtime without any such remarks this year, at which point she brought her mini Christmas Tree down from her bedroom into the living room saying she doesn't want it in her room now as Christmas is over.

    Don't you need to educate her on the 12 days of Christmas? So Christmas isn't over until Epiphany, which is about the right time to go back to school.
    We don't celebrate 12 days or Epiphany.

    We don't stick to full 12 days either as my wife's birthday is in early January and it was her parents tradition (and ours we've continued) that Christmas is over and the tree down etc in the window after New Years day and before her birthday, so that her birthday is about her and not Christmas.

    Christmas began in November when the kids went to see Santa in his grotto, we could start to listen to Christmas music and our lights on the house and tree went up late November.
    1st December it begins in earnest with the arrival of the Elves and Advent calendars.
    24 December the Elves went back to the North Pole to help Santa who arrived that night.

    Now its just the Christmas holiday until New Year and sometime on the 2nd or 3rd we'll pack the tree away and get ready for my wife's birthday before things then get back to normal.
    No wonder she's ready for Christmas to be over by Boxing Day!

    In times gone by, Advent - the four weeks leading up to Christmas - was a period of quiet and reflection. Christmas only started in Christmas Eve. Decorations stayed until 12th night, but the period of excess lasted until Candlemas (February 2nd). Nowadays, we have swapped that around: feast in December, fast in January. There are arguments for both approaches, and as you say, there are personal circumstances to take into account, but I'd say the old fashioned approach better fits the peruod of excess to the bleakest time of year.
  • maxhmaxh Posts: 1,338
    edited December 2024
    algarkirk said:

    maxh said:

    PB, apologies for a lengthy post of marginal interest to most. I'd appreciate advice, particularly from any thoughtful religious types, or agnostics who respect those who believe:

    My wife is a Christian, I'm firmly agnostic. We have two kids, who after discussion together we have agreed to bring up as Christians until they can choose for themselves. As a result we are often in church as a family (whenever we are at home on a Sunday).

    My wife's vicar has, understandably, taken an interest in converting me, which (short of incontrovertible divine revelation) he has no hope of doing. I've made this clear to him. We've been to the pub together once and had a good chat. He has asked me to read John's gospel and for us to meet again.

    My reaction to all of this is twofold:
    1. I want to continue meeting and discussing with him as a way of honouring my wife's faith and to be respectful of the church I regularly attend.
    2. I have quite strong skeptical reactions to the gospels (in essence my view is that of Don Cupitt's that Jesus was an insightful itinerant whose disciples over-claimed for him after his death in a form of confirmation bias).

    Here's my quandry: in my own inexpert way I
    sense that the vicar isn't really up for a really robust discussion about this stuff; he has quite a bit of trauma in his own life (lost his first wife to cancer, relatives are mentally unwell) and the fervour with which he proclaims his own faith signals to me someone with plenty of their own demons to fight (I may be wholly inaccurate in this assessment, though he did say he found our last meeting difficult and didn't feel as though he did his faith justice in the way he responded to some of the questions I had).

    I'm due to meet him for another chat in Jan. Do I
    (a) Politely discuss John's gospel, skirting around some of my skepticism and keeping everything surface level, which feels like it is wasting both of our time;
    (b) Engage fully, raising all the questions I have and arguing for my skeptical view on the basis that this respects the time he is putting into our relationship and that this is the conversation I'd find most interesting;
    (c) Seek to extricate myself from the next meeting entirely in some way, whilst still respecting that this is an authority-figure for my wife;
    (d) Do something else?

    Feel free to tell me I'm being an arsehole if I have missed something important.

    (b). If he can't cope with this he is in the wrong job.

    Footnotes: Vicars who start off from John's gospel are often uncritical of how ancient texts work. It is a dense work rooted in a culture modern Christians can't comprehend. It's relationship to what we call history is very complicated.

    The historical Jesus is substantially more than a decent itinerant. For a highly informed and critically acute view, EP Sanders 'The historical figure of Jesus' publ by Penguin is outstanding. Worth a read.

    If your vicar hasn't read it then he probably hasn't
    read very much decent stuff. A lot just read American pop paperbacks by fundamentalists.

    All Christians (including me) are agnostics, just like all the human race. Religion is not a knowable
    item.
    Your replies (much appreciated) at least have confirmed to me that my quandary isn't an obvious one. They deserve a longer response than this but I wanted to respond whilst it's a fresh discussion.

    Almost noone has said (a) which I agree with - what's the point?

    To those asking why I am even engaging if my mind is made up - I think they way I expressed myself in my initial post is too strong - I am closest to @algarkirk's agnosticism in that I am perfectly prepared to accept that some form of faith may be accurate, but that the details of any specific faith are probably culturally determined and at best a deeply imperfect human attempt to know the unknowable.

    I think faith is amongst our most fascinating human questions so will always take opportunities to engage. I had a similar discussion with a previous vicar and we both really enjoyed it.

    I'm genuinely torn between what I'd call the "varnished Dura Ace view" that if you choose to be a vicar you should be up for the challenge of someone thoughtfully and respectfully challenging your faith, and a concern for a fellow human who I think is probably neither very happy nor very secure in his own faith and has a 'need' to convert me in some way.

    No need to be concerned about my marriage btw - we have plenty of challenges but negotiate this one pretty well (it's why I attend church).

  • CookieCookie Posts: 14,111
    This is my photo for 27th Dec: fried Christmas pudding with leftover riast potaties for breakfast. (Yes, I am half Scottish - though it was actually someone from Norwich who introduced me to the benefits of frying Christmas pudding.)

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