Best Of

People were mentioning Bob Monkhouse yesterday on here. Here are three classic Monkhouseisms - I think I heard him give the middle one live -

- "I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but he uses our smoke alarm as a timer"
- "I got a horse for my wife. Fair trade, wouldn't you say?"
- "I still enjoy sex at 74. I live at 75, so it's just across the road"

"When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now."

That's my all time favourite Monkhouse joke.

He was the master of timing.

The only person I can think of who compares -and it's a very, very different kind of humour- is Ricky Gervais.

Only with Ricky, he's throwing in something so wildly outrageous, you can't believe he said it. "Don't worry, I didn't kill her." (And we all know how that one ends.)

Malcolm Offord what a totally loathsome vile cxnt !

There’s banter and there’s his disgusting homophobic so called joke about George Michael . We shouldn’t be surprised because Reform are full of vile bigots .

I missed that. George Michael was probably the most talented British musician of his generation. Who is Malcolm Offord and what stellar achievements is he bringing to the table?

He was decent, and a great human being, but most talented of his generation 🤷‍♂️

It was a joke at an after dinner speech. All this fake offence is pathetic.

I've not seen it so am not taking offense but really homophobic "jokes" what is this the 1970s? Ooh missus, look out for the shirtlifters, "I'm free"... give me strength. George Michael is an epochal musical talent and will be remembered long after this Reform mouthbreather is consigned to the dustbin of history.

It was 2018 when the joke was cracked.

He was a Tory then. But, muh, Reform.

It was a joke at an after dinner speech. A lot of fake offence about it now. Pretty pathetic.

Should we get all jokes approved so sensitive flowers aren’t offended ?

It's a free country, he can say what he likes but shouldn't act surprised at the reaction. FWIW I'm not offended, I just think the guy is obviously a fucking vile piece of shit.

Why, on the basis of a joke made at an after dinner speech ?

A few words which take up a couple of minutes of his life.

Why should that define what he is as a person. I don’t know the motherfucker from Adam but I wouldn’t judge him solely on a joke he made.

The reaction is stupid and fake offence. But typical of our politics and all parties are just as bad and all parties fake offence. Even Reform.

You refer frequently to people taking 'fake offence', but you never seem to consider the possibility that the offence taken is real, not 'fake'.
In respect of the 'joke' involved, I can imagine quite a lot of people finding it really offensive.

Hope you're not 'polishing your halo' there, Al. Living in Brighton and all.

Malcolm Offord what a totally loathsome vile cxnt !

There’s banter and there’s his disgusting homophobic so called joke about George Michael . We shouldn’t be surprised because Reform are full of vile bigots .

I missed that. George Michael was probably the most talented British musician of his generation. Who is Malcolm Offord and what stellar achievements is he bringing to the table?

He was decent, and a great human being, but most talented of his generation 🤷‍♂️

It was a joke at an after dinner speech. All this fake offence is pathetic.

I've not seen it so am not taking offense but really homophobic "jokes" what is this the 1970s? Ooh missus, look out for the shirtlifters, "I'm free"... give me strength. George Michael is an epochal musical talent and will be remembered long after this Reform mouthbreather is consigned to the dustbin of history.

It was 2018 when the joke was cracked.

He was a Tory then. But, muh, Reform.

It was a joke at an after dinner speech. A lot of fake offence about it now. Pretty pathetic.

Should we get all jokes approved so sensitive flowers aren’t offended ?

It's a free country, he can say what he likes but shouldn't act surprised at the reaction. FWIW I'm not offended, I just think the guy is obviously a fucking vile piece of shit.

Why, on the basis of a joke made at an after dinner speech ?

A few words which take up a couple of minutes of his life.

Why should that define what he is as a person. I don’t know the motherfucker from Adam but I wouldn’t judge him solely on a joke he made.

The reaction is stupid and fake offence. But typical of our politics and all parties are just as bad and all parties fake offence. Even Reform.

You refer frequently to people taking 'fake offence', but you never seem to consider the possibility that the offence taken is real, not 'fake'.
In respect of the 'joke' involved, I can imagine quite a lot of people finding it really offensive.

Go on then - what's the offense? It's a weak joke.

People were mentioning Bob Monkhouse yesterday on here. Here are three classic Monkhouseisms - I think I heard him give the middle one live -

- "I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but he uses our smoke alarm as a timer"
- "I got a horse for my wife. Fair trade, wouldn't you say?"
- "I still enjoy sex at 74. I live at 75, so it's just across the road"

"When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now."

It's genuinely brilliant, Richard, but that's the 25th time it's been posted on here this week.

Going to join pineapple on pizza, this one, I think.

And why the hell not.

Never saw it on here. I should pay more attention I suppose.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to criticise. Not at all.

None taken. i really should pay more attention

You have a proper job of work. Priorities all wrong.