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politicalbetting.com » Blog Archive » For you Christmas Day entertainment – Guess the Constituenc
politicalbetting.com » Blog Archive » For you Christmas Day entertainment – Guess the Constituency
Right then folks, as there are no local by-elections today and by the end of today you are all liable to be dozing off not in the middle of Her Majesty’s speech I hope (after all those betting markets were suspended earlier in the month thanks to some unusual betting patterns) it’s time to get those old grey cells into working order ready for the torrent of polls that will flood us fr…
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Anyway, good luck finding out that and the others - and this may help:
http://www.ordnancesurvey.co.uk/election-maps/gb/
It's that time I believe, once again, to recite the finest joke ever heard on PB.com:
A Brummie goes for a job interview wearing a polyester shirt, bright flares and big boots.
The interviewer says "All you need now is a kipper tie."
The Brummie replies, "That would be love-lay, two sugars, ploise."
It's the way I tell 'em ...... again and again and again!
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
(wait for it.........)
.....'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
Merry Xmas to all PBers!
A man was driving along a rural road when he looked down and saw a three legged turkey running alongside the car. He looked at the speedometer and thought blimey, that’s a pretty fast turkey, I’m doing 30mph,
“I wonder just how fast this blighter can run” thought the driver, so he sped up to 45 mph - and the turkey did too!
The driver sped up again, to his surprise the turkey was still running ahead of him at 60 mph!!!
Suddenly, the turkey stuck out its left wing and shot off down a muddy track leading to a farmyard; the driver followed, but the turkey was nowhere to be seen. He then spotted the farmer who was feeding dozens of birds and he called out "How did you get all these three legged turkeys?"
The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya see it's me, my wife and my son living here and we all enjoy a turkey drum stick for Christmas, so I started breeding this three legged variety so we could all eat our favourite bit."
"That's amazing!" said the driver "How do they taste?"
"Fook knows” says the farmer. “I can’t catch the little buggers!"
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5oJN44IAAAzKNo.jpg
I have no idea about the constituencies, I'm afraid, but cheers to Mr. Hayfield for the contest.
And, for the last time [this year
Mr & Mrs JackW and family.
My youngest lad's day was made complete as he saw Santa getting into a car and driving off down our street this morning.
Christmas quiz: what is this?
three four one one zero four - one one one one one one one - one one three one one one one one - one one three one one one - one one one one one - two one two
It's effing brilliant - 10/10. If you haven't seen it, you've missed a treat - Sopranos Meets The Wire Meets Dexter. imdb.com/title/tt0286486/?ref_=nv_sr_2 Scores 8.8/10
IIRC you can watch Netflix for free for a month.
Whatever your politics, I hope you will not be too disappointed with what the New Year brings you, and your bets come up trumps.
Warm regards
Peter Smith [aka Peter the Punter]
Just catching up with the threads, as was woken by grandaughter and her female cousin at 4am as they decided my room was best to open their presents.
So now that peace reigns (children are having a nap) and lunch is in the oven, have been reading a present, Boris Johnson's latest writing: The Churchill Factor - How One Man Made History. It is very readable and contains some lovely phrases like his description of the French forces in 1940 as "the origami army". Also he gives a very good and illuminating account of the mood in the UK just after Churchill replaced Chamberlain as PM, and how near we came to negotiating with Hitler for peace and how (perhaps falsely) many of our leaders were of gaining a positive outcome from such talks.
Also have picked up my elder son's copy of Beyond The Crash by a certain Gordon Brown and published in 2010. Looking again at his conclusions, it is apparent that he viewed the future as Equality of Outcome rather than Equality of Opportunity and it would appear that his very strong views on this divide influenced his economic decisions during his Chancellorship (to the detriment of many). His views for the future are very idealistic and he does not consider the minds, thinking and culture and the technical advances of our far Eastern competitors and now very much suppliers.
Trust you and your furry friends will soon be replete. What will you be watching today?
God damn the Nats.
God save the Queen.
Merry Christmas.
All being well and with Mike's permission, I aim to bring back the St.John PB Xmas Xword in 2015.
Would you like to do one for New Year's Day?
Happy Christmas all!
Hippo Crumplebeep.
Richard Orford (@Richard_Orford)
22/12/2014 12:03
Anti-'It's a Wonderful Life' clickbait gets owned in the comments section. As heartwarming as the film itself bit.ly/1t0pIX5
Then I have all of Breaking Bad to do....
Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone!
(Hostilities resume at 4pm, right?)
If we're doing jokes:
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other: "do you know how to drive this thing?"
http://youtu.be/5rHJPLuG4OM
I think #8 is Pontypridd - you can see the steep valleys on the map.
MP is Owen Smith - Labour
Jonathan Arnott MEP (@JonathanArnott)
24/12/2014 18:35
Another embarrassment for those who seek to smear UKIP as it turns out UKIP wasn't at fault again... pic.twitter.com/aWyNKyAl8d
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12043294
My crush on Stanley Baker is enduring. I fell in love when I was about 14yrs old and 30yrs later... he's my guy.
And that's when I'm not mainlining The Shield.
How about you?
PS Kitties and I are playing Kerplunk and Frustration later - it will be board game carnage with things to play with and popomatic dice
Best wishes
Love the theme music too - if you haven't seen Justified, it's very similar. Walton Goggins in a fabulous character actor [he's Boyd Crowder in Justified]
A humbug walks into a Bah...
Everyone would have combined Christmas and birthday presents. Which is just cheap. No-one could get married, so we would be a nation of bastards. There would be no postal service, so no Christmas cards would get delivered. And the telly would be full of repeats. With the Queen desperately trying to find something new to say at 3 pm.
And we would be monstrously fat and drunk. Except, we would have to do all our shopping at petrol stations...
Roy Wood, you REALLY have not thought this through....
The resulting revised figures for the last ELBOW of the year are:
Lab 34.2% (+0.6 on week-ending Dec 14th)
Con 31.8% (-0.9)
UKIP 15.1% (-0.3)
LD 7.6% (+0.1)
Lab lead 2.5% (+1.5)
I adore pink fizz of any description. And Cockburn's Special Reserve port - yummy. Or maybe Grand Marnier.
Over to you!
Yeah, fat chance. Seems we get a lot of these 'mistakes' from the media these days but they only ever seem to affect UKIP.
Sunil Prasannan @Sunil_P2 · 47s47 seconds ago
Revised final Dec 2014 ELBOW inc. Populus and YouGov. Lab 34.2%, Con 31.8%, UKIP 15.1%, LD 7.6%. Labour lead by 2.45%
https://twitter.com/Sunil_P2/status/548105864738271232
Labour % leads in the Sunil on Sunday ELBOW (Electoral Leader-Board Of the Week) since 17th August
https://twitter.com/Sunil_P2/status/548104257225129984
Had the smoked salmon and pancakes accompanied by bucks fizz and now off to check the bird in the oven.
All the best
Mark
Lab 33.7%
Con 32.0%
UKIP 15.4%
LD 7.4%
Lab lead 1.7%
November's "Super-ELBOW" - all 44 polls with fieldwork end-dates between 1st Nov and 30th Nov. Total weighted sample 56,434.
Lab 33.3%
Con 31.8%
UKIP 16.1%
LD 7.6%
Lab lead 1.5%
October's "Super-ELBOW" - all 45 polls with fieldwork end-dates between 1st Oct and 31st Oct. Total weighted sample 59,394.
Lab 33.8%
Con 32.0%
UKIP 16.1%
LD 7.7%
Lab lead 1.8%
September's "Super-ELBOW" - all 38 polls with fieldwork end-dates between 1st Sept and 30th Sept. Total weighted sample 51,029.
Lab 35.7%
Con 31.5%
UKIP 15.2%
LD 7.6%
Lab lead 4.2%
Hmm.
I will return from Hell to send my own festive presents.
Meanwhile Thomas the Rescue, our cat, is totally bemused. He had his breakfast early today (so we could get out for the eight o'clock) and it was cold roast beef (left over from last night). Then when he walked into the kitchen mid morning on the off chance he got smoked salmon and scrambled eggs (left over from our breakfast), and for lunch he had turkey. He thinks its Christmas! Little does he know he has prawns for tea (his very favourite).
I've always made a point of giving them each two gifts and two cards.They are already missing out on a party - seems unfair to rub it in with a combined present as well!
Now for some turkey and many trimmings.
Hic
ARRSE - This Year's Site Penis
It's not worth clicking on unless you know the people involved as it's all in-jokes but the link itself makes the point. As I'm taking part in that thread (under a different name, natch) I'm having a great time imagining what a similar PB one would be like
I've taken on a 6yrs old Maine Coon lady who only likes tinned cheap cat food - fish flavoured- in jelly. And smoked salmon. And scrambled eggs.
I've tried chicken slices, roast chicken, ham, prawns - drenched this is fish stock to no avail as well...she's watched to much Discovery Channel fishing progs.
First Christmas since 2003 that my parents, my brother and I have been all together. Usually my mum and dad "over-winter" in India at this time of year.
Now on to some yummy Genoa cake.
When Andre and family went on a cruise and tried to put the dog into kennels the conversation was predictable "Any dietary requirements?" ... "He's a fussy eater" ... "Such as?" ... "Only eats lobster"
.......... I have been here for an hour and I am still fixing the damm sink.
Gets coat
And now, in time honoured tradition and for all our Kipper friends:
There was a little purple man who lived in a little purple house, in a small purple village at the far end of the purple country. The purple man was a long way away from the purple castle in the purple city, at the other end of the purple land. In the purple castle there lived the purple king, and he ruled the purple land without paying any purple attention to the purple man.
So the purple man got very angry and his face went all purple. He stomped his purple foots and decided not to pay his purple taxes as a purple protest. The purple king was not happy with the purple man, so he sent his little purple tax collector to see him. The purple tax collector left the purple castle, traveled across the purple land to the purple house and asked the purple man whether he would pay his purple taxes.
But the purple man stomped his purple foot and said "I will not pay my purple taxes"
So the purple tax collector took the purple man and brought him across the purple country to the purple castle and brought him in front of the purple king.
But the purple man stomped his purple foot and said "I will not pay my purple taxes"
So the purple king ordered the purple tax collector to take the purple man down to the purple prison until he paid his purple taxes. And so the purple tax collector took the purple man down the purple stairs to the purple dungeon. He opened the purple prison door, and pushed the purple man inside and said "Indigo"
Fender vintage hot rod '60s Stratocaster in olympic white #ChristmasPorn
Epic!
*now has face ache*
If only the dog had been called Indigo instead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5MtiQ1pjXc
Merry Christmas, all.
Merry Xmas everyone!